Like this:

I had a completely different idea for this week’s post.  But then something happened.  A sad story, both expected and unexpected.  Moose, my daughter’s St. Bernard had to be euthanized.

It all started with a phone call. “Mom can you call the mobile vet to come to the house?  Moose has had a seizure and I know its time,” Tiffany called sobbing.   But that is not actually when it started.  It started two weeks before when Moose was diagnosed with advanced lymphoma.  The vet said he had anywhere from two weeks to a month.  The reality is that he lasted less than a week.  But that is not the story either.

The story is actually about my daughter’s ability to love completely in spite of knowing that giving her heart is going to lead to heart break. My daughter adopts rescues.  But not the cute kind of rescues abandoned by people who have had to move, or run out of money to feed their pet .  She adopts the unadoptable.  And Moose as he was renamed—very aptly as you shall see—was definitely unadoptable.

The first thing I noticed about Moose was the size of his head.  I have never seen a dog with a head that big.  It literally filled the whole back window of my daughter’s Toyota Camry.  The next thing I noticed was his body.  Incredibly skinny (making the head look even larger) and covered with sores, bleeding sores. Every time Moose lay down and got back up he left patches of blood and ooze.  He was a true mess.  Tiffany saw him and fell in love.

Doug and Tiffany with Moose their ring bearer

She took him to the vet who prescribed various medications.  She bathed him every other day with medicated shampoo.  She fed him.  She fed him a lot.  Her bills for pet food tripled.  (She already had two other rescued dogs and two cats.) And she loved him.  Moose thrived.  The sores healed.  His coat grew back in, thick and glossy.  And he gained weight—over 40 lbs.  Now his gigantic head fit his body.  He became what he was born to be.  An incredibly beautiful, a stop and look and can you believe it beautiful, St. Bernard. His disposition was beautiful too.  He was calm and gentle.  He actually became the ring bearer at my daughter’s wedding.  There was Moose walking up the aisle with the standard keg and collar of a St. Bernard.  And there he was standing serenely with the other bride’s maids and groom’s men after he had delivered the rings.  That was Moose. And now Moose is gone.

Tiffany is home now.  The house feels very empty.  Moose was a very large presence.  She is grieving, and she will continue to grieve for some time.  Loss hurts. Loving fully hurts sometimes.

Now here is the rest of the story. Tiffany does not simply reserve her unconditional love for animals.  She loves her family and her friends unconditionally.  Having experienced hurt and disappointment  at various times , she continues to love.  Knowing the risk of  heart break will always be there, she continues to love  fully.

We all talk about unconditional love in terms of acceptance of the other or of understanding.  But there is something we leave out of the equation and that is courage.  To love fully knowing that you are opening yourself up to not just the possibility but the inevitability of great pain takes tremendous courage.  And that is why I had to write this today.

I am in awe of my daughter.  I am in awe of her ability to continue living and loving unconditionally.  I am in awe of her courage. How many of us have that kind of courage?  Do I?  Do you?

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